Let’s start by saying that being a parent is wonderful. However, sometimes it IS OK to not like it. In fact, it is normal to feel like this. We can’t all be shouting from the rooftops about how awesome it is, and not admitting to struggling sometimes with the whole parenting gig, can we? There are many that would LOVE to be lucky and have two, healthy, and pretty happy children. But…does that mean that it isn’t allowed for parents to admit that it can be dam tough? And that we want to fecking run away from it all completely and read a book without having to think about the next thing that needs doing as a parent, or the threat of another “mummy” whine from the 3 year old?
This is a partnered post.
We’ve taken a step back from the daily struggle of being a mom to try and think about why it is OK to admit that being a parent isn’t great sometimes. It IS tough. We are all in it together.
It takes a village to raise a child. Let’s work together to raise our kids, offering support and kindness every step of the way.
It doesn’t mean you don’t love them
When parenting, sometimes tough choices have to be made about what’s to be done; including making decisions that aren’t popular with the children. That can mean they can angry, defiant, and sometimes extremely hurtful in that moment:
“You don’t love me otherwise you wouldn’t do that!”
“I hate you!“
Say teens, and kids the world over….
It can be really hurtful when they say these things. Parents can feel upset, and cross. Feeling this doesn’t mean our children aren’t liked or loved, it just means that the way they are behaving isn’t acceptable.
That is 100% fine, and 100% normal too.
It is hard not to take things personally. BUT, know this emotion from your children will pass. Particular if, as parents, there is thought as to why these emotions have boiled over in our children. Do they feel listened to? Is there something else going on? It is also worth noting that f children speak to us like this, it can often mean that they feel secure in the knowledge that you WILL love them, no matter what – unconditionally even.
It doesn’t mean that you think they are a burden
Sometimes it can be hard to parent in a crisis, particularly if your child feels like they need constant attention. Perhaps you want a break from having to help a child with special needs, or just want not to hear the phrase “mummy” again for 5 minutes.
Just wanting a little bit of me time is important for functioning properly. Me time is part of self care for moms.
“Until you have a kid with special needs you have no idea of the depth of your strength, tenacity and resourcefulness.”
Anonymous
Giving yourself time for self-care means better parenting overall, whatever the challenges faced.
You are only human
Nobody is able to function on reduced sleep, in a tense environment when conflict happens, without experiencing a gamut of emotions.
You are human. Humans were made to feel, so the positive moments of parenting cannot come without those negative moments too. For a child to show joy and love, they also need to have space and safety to show fear, anger and hurt.
The same is true for us. Embrace humanity. It makes us, and our children, the wonderful people they are, and what we hope them to be.
“Without pain, how could we know joy?”
John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
This is simplistic; to experience the good, the bad must be felt too.
Anyone spent time hugging children after a tantrum? All the really needed was love. It is important to remember that if children are acting up, they may be looking for a way to connect, and that post tantrum hug can provide this opportunity for them.
Acknowledging feelings helps you to work with them
If you KNOW you are feeling upset, and finding things tough, then you can work with it. Saying how you feel can actually help so much in dealing with those emotions giving you strategies to cope.
Have you ever thought back on your day and all the emotions you felt? Have you named those emotions? You might be surprised how hard you have to think to name a few, even from the last 24 hours.
Give it a go, and think positive emotions too.
Understanding how you feel, can help give power over those emotions, enabling more control.
Psychologist Dan Siegel even refers to this practice as:
“Name it to tame it.”
Dan Seigel
So yes parenting it tough, and it might make you angry, sad, happy, disappointed, thoughtful, confused, pleased, proud, and over-whelmed. All in the space of five minutes, but if you acknowledge this, you’re actually winning!
Nobody is perfect
Lastly, nobody gets it right ALL the time. We learn by making mistakes. So make them, learn from them, move on, and perhaps we can all accept that parenting is imperfect, perfection!
We hope you like this article from us, here at kiddycharts, why not take a look at some of our other parenting tips related content if you have a moment?
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Helen
Helen
Helen is a mum to two, social media consultant, and website editor; and this site is (we think) the only Social Enterprise parenting magazine!Since giving up being a business analyst when juggling travel, work and kids proved too complicated, she founded KiddyCharts so she could be with her kids, and use those grey cells at the same time.KiddyCharts has reach of over 1.1million across social and the site. The blog works with big family brands (including travel) to help promote their services, as well as offering free resources to parents of kids under 10.It gives 51%+ profits to Reverence for Life, who fund a number of important initiatives in Africa, including bringing running water and basic equipment to a school in Tanzania.Helen has worked as a digital marketing consultant (IDM qualified) with various organisations, including Channel Mum, Truprint, Talk to Mums, and Micro Scooters. She loves to be creative in the brand campaigns she works on.Get in touch TODAY!