It’s easy to get down on ourselves when it comes to parenting. Am I a bad parent? Do I do enough for my kids? How can I be better and not make parenting mistakes? These are probably all questions that you have asked yourself time and time again – I know I do! As much as we pride ourselves on our parenting there is always room for improvement. The reality is that, yes, there are things that parents do that can be bad. But as they say, it’s all about learning from our mistakes. And when it comes to parenting mistakes, recognizing them and learning from them is the way forward.
We are all in this together, though on our separate journeys, and I hope this post can help you see some of the things we may do as parents that we can change.
Disciplining your child in front of others
It can be easy to feel that you are going to nip it in the bud and bring your child’s bad behaviour to their attention. But waiting until the right moment is a better way to deal with things. The reality is that no one, not even us adults, likes to be told off in front of other people. This leads to a feeling of humiliation and vulnerability. Both of those feelings which can lead to distrust and eventually loss of respect.
We can let our kids know that it is not ok to act up or misbehave but we can save the disciplining part until later. This has multiple benefits. For example, your anger will dissipate and you will be better equipped to deal with disciplining your kid when you are a calm mum not an angry mum. That, and your child will have had more time to think about their actions. All in all, things will go smoother and your kids will feel like there is mutual respect.
Not giving enough support
This isn’t done in malice. And it may appear to be one of those unfortunate coincidences of life. Your kids exams are at the same time as a big work deadline. I mean, this is big. It means either a promotion or yet another year stuck in a position that isn’t good for you. What do you do? You focus on what is important – your work.
At the same time you kid is going through his GCSE’s. Something he has prepared for and is eager to sit. Your indifference in his time of need leads to isolation and resentment. He may even self-sabotage in order to be able to get your attention.
It isn’t something that you planned on doing but not giving enough support to your kids can lead to bad parenting if it is a pattern that is repeated. Our children need to feel heard and feel like they, and whatever they have going on in their lives, matter. Sometimes our kids just need a few undivided minutes of our time to feel supported and loved.
Do as I say not as I do
It can make our parenting lives so simple to direct our children as to what we want them to do. So much so that many times we can tell our kids what needs to be done but not lead by example.
If you leave your mug on the coffee table after you have a cuppa or say the “S” word when you drop something don’t be surprised when you see your child repeating the same actions. You may have told your kids that mugs go in the top drawer of the dishwasher, and that swearing is an awful thing to do. Remember, kids are more receptive to mimicking our behaviours and actions than just doing what they are told as it contradicts their reality.
I hope that this article has given you some things to reflect about on the issue of parenting mistakes. I would love you to join in the conversation by leaving a comment and sharing your views.
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As always, thanks for being here for another post and we hope to see you for the next one!
Helen
Yaya Duran
Step into Parenting was recently launched to reflect the authors life as a stepparent. With the lack of parenting blogs that reflect blended family and step family life she hopes to bring more attention to this style of family that is on the rise.Facebook,Pinterest andInstagram.